Mattlog

Happy Birthday to Me

It's my birthday.

I'm 30. I'm all cool with that. I've felt 30 for about a year now. There's really no difference. Except it's a 3 not a 2. I remember feeling melancholy about going from one digit to two knowing I'd probably only be two digits forever.

Birthdays are what you make of them. I'm just happy I've started a new life, trying something new and making a go of something other than cookling at the 'Bee's. Instead I'm serving at the 'Bee's. But it's a new place with new goals. The movie industry is pretty prevalent here. At the bank I went to, the girl who hooked up my checking account gave me the addresses to look up on the net to find auditions. Do 2 or three of these, she said and you have access to everyone. "Well, not everyone, but people who know people." Hmmmmm.
She also gave me a camping chair with a cooler in it she thought was "pretty neat."

Anyway, cheers. It's my birthday and I'm 35 pages into the rewrite. It's only now I start questioning myself. My new goal, write through it. Questioning only slows you down.

La' chiam.

Matt

While searching for the perfect birthday moment of Zen I ran across a few other people turning 30 and their views on the past. Their lives.

People have chided me a bit for being long winded in the first place. Why not be when you have something worth reading about. Turning 30.

Part of passe'-ness about this whole thing is that everyone over 30 has done it. DO you know how many people in the world have turned 30 before? Just as an example did you know the amount of people on social security is higher than it ever has been. The Baby boomers turned thirty a long time ago. And they made it. Life went on. It always does. It's a nice constant... live goes on. You will get over and persevere.

But what do people want to hear form you? Where did I think I'd be at this point? It sort of depends on when you asked me? When I was 10? I'd have been married at 25 just having our first kid. Why? Cause you need to spend time with a person before you have a kid to know if they are the one.

At 20? I'd have said at 30 I'll be broke somewhere pursuing my acting career. Well I guess I was right. Would I have a steady girl? Hell yeah, look at me.

At 25. I grew up. I think I said at 30... God only knows.

I think at some point around 25 or 26 you just realize your not going to have all the answers. When you're 18 you do. You think you got it all figured out. And at 21 you think, geez when I was 18 I didn't know shit about shit, but now *snap* it's all cool. And about 24 you look back and you think "Man, when I was 18 and 21, I had NO idea what was going on, I didn't know shit about shit, no matter what I thought, but, now, *snap* it's cool." And finally around 26 it just hits you. You don't know shit about shit. And you may never. But THAT *snap* is cool.

So pursue your dreams. Do it when your ready. Make the bold moves. Age is meaningless. Your only as old as you feel and if you've been making out with 20 years old like I have, well shame on you, but damn it you don't feel old.

You might think this is my mid life crises. Sadly it's what I should have known at a long time ago. I'm a late bloomer but that's another blog for another time.

And now, your moment of ZEN.

Posted by matty at September 21, 2003 01:24 AM