Mattlog

The Core

I'm officially the Core of Applebee's.

That's right I've been listed as Associate of the Month. Why? Cause I rule. I've been pretty Diva about it, too. I mean in the franchise it took me almost 6 years to become in Employee of the Month.... not 6 moths here and that's right I'm the man.

I say things now like, "Is that anyway to talk to the associate of the month?"

"No you keep running those drinks, I'll run this hot food."

"I'm the associate of the month I get free food right?"

Well needless to say, people are pretty sick of me already. It's only been two days. I just say"There's a lot of month left."

Maybe this is why I have no friends?

ONE MORE THING... You HAVE TO GO HERE! www.americanexpress.com/jerry
And make sure do the sing-along. And watch the Today show thing.... JUst do it all.

Matt

Moment of Zen: Did you know Wierd Al won a grammy this year for his Albumn poodle hat? Did you know this was his thiid?

Dead

I feel dead. I've been working my ass of since returning from Sin City. And oddly enough I worked my a-hole before I left. I just did almost 30 hours in 9 straight shifts.

Needless to say tomorrow is my day and I'm relaxing... well actually... I'm cleaning my apartment since it's a mess. My suitcase is still in my living room and I believe it's half full.

Yep it is.

Pictures are almost ready expect them late Monday.... I'll let you know.

So I thought I'd start my only day off tonight by catching a flick. I was planning on seeing Jersey Girl but I got caught watching The Practice tonight. James Spader's character rules. He's the coolest. Even better is that David E. Kelly is closing the Practice at the end of the season but is bringing back not only Spader's character in a spin-off but his boss will be played by none other than William Shatner.

Well moving on .... JG was playing at 9:55 and I missed me it. There can need my support next weekend anyway when the movie opens in 500 more theaters. So instead I saw the 10:40 show of Dawn of the Dead.

I'm a horror fan. Used to hate them. HATE THEM. My brother would scare me with EYES Peeking in the window... a flash in a commercial from Amityville Horror.

I may have talked about this before... but at some point I just came into horror flicks. And since I love a good scare.

So tonight, I was in the mood for something a bit intense and this film paid off. I mean it's a Zombie movie... we've seen 'em before. Shoot them in the head before they bite you. Get bit, your dead.

Enough scares in the film.... a couple of scenes of good tension. Specially during the pregant woman sequence. Yep, she's pregnant and it's horror film... you fill in th e blanks.

So if you like gory freaky tension filled horror flms... check it out.... and if not.... go see Jersey Girl.

Matt

One week till opening day of baseball? Who's ready?

V.I.P. Treatment

Wedensday Friday... all the same to me.

I suggest you follow Aj's Link and read his version of events. He did a better play by play than I'm going to do. I'm hitting the highlights....

Zip in and Zip out.

SO my Thursday began at 4:15 CST. I grabbed a shower and waited for the shuttle. There were disclaimers everywhere saying "you're driver will most likely be late.... this is normal." Well to my show the guy arrives 3 minutes early. In a last minute scramble I forgot my phone.... mostly, this just became an inconveince but well... typical me.

Flew into LA for an 1 1/2 layover. I kept wanting to hand my script to everyone saying you're gonna love this..... than I realized that it wasn't done and that most of the people were like me... from somewhere else.

Once in Vega$ I made ti to the hotel checked in and started my trip down the hallway. Room 12, room 17, room 22.... is this hallways ever gonna end? Rooms 24, 29, 31.... if this is the wrong hallway I'm gonna be pissed.

Finally reaching the ned of the long ass hallway was our room. At the end of it. This room was gorgeous. Giant bathroom. Seperate living area. and Two TVs! TWO! VIP treatment indeed!

After some afternoon wandering for dinner we were "able to acquire" some passes to the Microsoft finale party that was going on. Jeff got us in... free food, free beer, free video games! Ooooow!

On our way out we recieved game paks and a microsoft shirt none of us will ever wear cause they are all XL. After about 15 minutes I notice these damn things getting a bit heavy, if not just plain annoying. Well AJ spent $4 on some VIP passes into Coyote Ugly. So we walked past this huge line of people showed our passes to the guy and in we were. We waved at the people in line.

So after another beer (THis is prolly beer 6 by this point) I'm sick of these bags. So I decide to toss them in the lockers by the Roller Coaster. I leave Coyote Ugly head to the lockers... problem... the lockers close at midnight and they are cleaned out. So I decide there's no where else to stash them except for out side. (I'm drunk this makes sense.) But just outside NY, NY there still cleaning from the party... they're lookling for shit like this to throw away. SO I walk abotu three blocks toward the Monte Carlo (it's on our way home) and find a little side road with some bushes. "No one will look here,"I think.

About 15 minutes later I arrive back at NY, NY everyone questioning where I was. "Just wait. I have to show you." Well abotu an hour later we left CU, and headed home. Sho' 'nuff stuffs still there. It just made sense when I was drunk. Those bags sucked.

Our next bit of VIP treatment came when AJ spent consdierably more on a VIP ROOM at a club called the beach. Shirtless guys, bikini wearing women. And those were just the Bartenders. So there's totally.... I MEAN, ungodly, hot bartender who's doing body shots. She was in a thong but you could actually see muscles on her arms and abs on her tummy. Just hot. So I thought for AJ's birthday we got to get him one of these. We just hope the pictures came out.

We weren't VIP enough to hit Quark's bar... but we did do the new Borg adventure which was pretty good but I almost think the orginal's better.

More VIP treatment at the restaraunt with a bottle of champegne some fantastic steaks and killing me they're so good desserts.

Great trip already looking forward to next year.

Monday-- same old blog.

As soon as the pic come up I'll send tell you where tofind them.

Matt

Vega$, baby

Just a quick note here on Sunday just to say we're having the coolest time. Lots of, perhaps too much alcohol. But a sloppy great time none the less. Spent Friday playing poker for 3 hours. Only lost 27 bucks.... playuing for three hours was well worth it. It's easy to lose $20 gambling in a matter of minutes anywhere else. So that was fun.

Last night spent thenight at the Beach. A totally cool nightclub with body shots and beer bongs and thumping music. We had a VIP room overlooking the dance floor. Just great for people watching... watching guys dance form girl to girl... then back again. Hilarious. There was a particularly hot chick who Jeff assures we have photos of. She worked there doing the body shots. Just amazing. *drool*

There's more to tell. Lots, probably.... but I'll wait till I get back.

It's AJ's birthday so we're getting ready. Dressed in suits and all. Looking pimp, to use MTV Spring Break Lingo. :)

We're taking AJ to the Rosewood Grill for some of the best food I've ever had in a restaraunt EVER. This will be my second time. Lastitme well, there's the pic of me a few weeks ago holding the Lobstor.... same restaraunt.

Anyway, will post pics and give a little more detailed updated. Nothing to legnthy I promise.

Talk to you all back on Wed.

Back to MTV we CAN't RESIST!

Matt

Join Me

There's a little secret I've been keeping for a few weeks. I joined something. And it's not a cult... it's a collective.

I'm not asked to send money or donate Kidney's or jump into some Nike's and kill myself so my spirit may be picked up by a passing comet. Pretty much all I have to do is come Friday do a random act of Kindess.

Why?

Well, my car was broken, you see. I had a bad ignition switch of all things.... but before I knew that my car sat sad and empty wanting to be fixed. So One day after spending nine bucks for a taxi and waiting through a tornado warning I still had another hour to kill before the secon half of my double shift.

So I was wandered over to Barnes and Noble where I sat browsing through stacks of books. What to read? I asked myself. I was on a readin kick it comes and goes... but that's a whole other blog.

I had just finished reading Tatooine Ghost. A Star Wars book. And sometimes they suck and sometimes they ruled. SO I decided to shy away from another book in the series afraid that it would end up sucking I was looking for something else. Something different. And this is what I saw looking up from a table at me.

That was it. No authour name No real book title. I was immediatly intrigued always looking for something off the wall and strange so I read the back.

"The story of how one man started a a cult... by accident."

He wha...?

"Danny Wallace placed an ad in a small London paper tha offered two simple words: 'Join Me'."

I'll go on to tell you that by placing this one ad launched him into building a collective he knew not what to do with all the while not telling his girlfriend what he was accidentally doing.

And it's all true.

Part of the US release of this book is to try and get joiners. I highly recommend this book. You totally get caught up in this guy's enthusiasm... his highs and lows... and his writing is hilarious:

"'So, Daniel,' said my auntie. 'What are you doing with yourself these days?'

"I thought long and hard about how to answer her. Probably too long and hard because she wandered off started talking to someone else."

So you should read this book and you won't have to join the cult... er, collective. Luckily Aj's gettinghis own copy for his birthday this weekend. You can even Visit www.joinmeuse.com. More of the same... only updated daily. :)

One more thing before I leave for Vega$.

Tonight as part of the Patty's Day Festivities Bud weiser came by and dropped of a fresh batch of Bud bottles at the store today. And by Fresh I mean, freshly brewed and by freshly brewed I mean, today. March 17. And holy cow is it good. It's the most Yummy Budweiser I've ever had. Smooth as water tasty as beer should be. If only there was some kind of way to Insta Brew or teleport this freshness in beer. It was delicious.

Apparently, I'm pimping stuff today. If only I got a pay check from either. :)

Here's it's born on date of today.

And I'll talk toyou Wednesday next week and tell you all about the trip!

Till then get yourself a passport photo and Join!

Am I Old?

As it's a visual example... it's time for another Vlog.

Clickity Click.

The MOST Holy Grrrrrail

I have been able to quote Monty Python and the Holy Grail since I was about ten. The PBS station in Chicago WTTW used to have a great night of British television. 10pm was Monty Python 10:30 was Dave Allen and at 11 was Dr Who.

Now Dave Allen was this British joketeller. He would split the show 50/50 between sketches and joke telling. Between sketches Dave Allen would sit in his chair smoking a cigarette and a would sip his drink and tell these great jokes. Probably one of the greatest story tellers on the planet. The jokes were old but you loved his telling of them.

And, of course, thanks to my father, my own Captain Kirk, I've always loved sci-fi. And Doctor Who was it at it's finest, if not a little british.

But Monty Python was the biggity bomb to use the vernacular of o ur time. This is about the time my comedy horizon expanded from Abbot and COstello to George Carlin and far more adult humor... and though I never got Benny Hill, Python to me was hilarious. In fifth grade at a talent show my friend JOsh and I did the infamous Parrot Sketch. I played the Cleese part. it went over fantastically.

I've seen Holy Grail probably 20 times in my life. I own the 2-disc DVD. I can quote about 80% of it. It's a mainstay. And tonight it was at the Alamo.

I've talked about the Alamo before. It's where you can wat and drink IN THE MOVIE! So my buddy Jonathon and I decided to hit the midnight showing of Holly Grail.

Now remember how well I know this movie... when I tell you seeing it on the big screen presents itself as a much better film. The scenes are far better looking than on TV and the opening credits jokes work so much better on a giant screen.

Another lucky thing about this showing.... no one was "singing along." No one was quoteing along. I mean it seemed we all probably could but luckily no one did. We were seeing the movie.

So I tried to but myself in the frame of mind of someone who had never seen tit before. And I think our new millienium sensabilities this movie practically stands up. However I think we've learned to expect anything in a comedy. Look at Autin Powers. It's genius.

But back in 1975 almost 30 years ago this movie must have confused alot of people, especially the British viewers. And that ending, I imagined confused viewers watching the film unravel and the organ music start playing expecting more.... but 10 minutes of the organ music probably drove everyone out and went thinking "The hell was that?"

This, of course, makes me wonder about what I missing by not seeing some of the most famous films in history on the big screen. As Hot Sauce always says I see a shiny object and I'm distracted... but in the theater you got nothing else... it's you the screen and a story. So it's official... if some of the classics make to Alamo or the Aboretum or any of the other fine classic film showers... I'm there. Some of the greatest films in history I have yet to see why not see them the way they were meant.

Anyway, If you get the oppertunity to sit down in a theater and watch the Holy Grail on the big screen the way it was meant I highly advise it.

Tuff Guys

When I was back in Springfield I had unwittingly become part of a group of Fellas known as the Tuff Guys. Mostly, all it took be in this club was, besides a vast wealth of pop culture knowledge, you had to be pretty good at talking smack. I had become good as this through years of working in a kitchen... if you don't talk smack your weak. So luckily, always being fairly witty I just turned my wit into smack and boom I was unstoppable. Tough Guy Icons include Bruce Willis' John McClane from Die Hard and Kirk Russell's Jack Burton in Big Trouble in Little China.

So part of being a tough guy had some hard fast rules.

Number 1: You always called each other tuff. As in "'sup Tuff."

Number 2: You not only had to know how to play the drinking game asshole, but you had to play it tuff. Making people drink for silly reasons "you skipped me last hand, right? Finish your beer."

And Number 3: If your drunk, you will invariably do something tough.

I think my tuff colors came out one float trip where I managed to out wit everyone and did my first beer bong.

Well, I think if I was going to open an Austin Chapter of the TGA (Tuff Guy Assoc.) then I've found the fellas.

Last night, my buddy Cecil and I took a night off work specifically to play some Playstation. About 10 we headed over to our (new) normal haunt Rack Daddy's. This also happens to be within walking distance of my house SO I LOVE IT.

Anyway, a group of six sat around drinking beer quoting films, and laughing loud and hard. And another part of the tuff club involves someone known as the Wild Card. In Springfield his name was Travis Carter. Travis, one time, walking home from a bar, ran through a field, I think he thought he was in war time or something, he made his way to the a highway walking home and eventually a police officer pulled the car over just to offer him a ride home. Cater wouldn't take the ride because he thought he'd go to jail. He finally agreed to the ride as long as he could sit in front.

Our wild card down here is named Garret. Garret somehow started a game a strip poker with 2 girls and the 3 guys. Garret is the guy your afraid to get drunk with because you may end up in a Mexican prison. And only living 4 hours from the border that COULD happen.

Long Live the TUffs.

Matt

And now, your moment of zen. At least back in the day I was the only one copying from the daily show.

Movies and More

Tonight I needed some dishwasher soap. We all from time to time need the essentials. So I ran over to Wal-Mart cause well, stuff really is cheaper there and I've come to terms that Wal-Mart will take over the world and, at least I can tell them I've always shopped there. Cause since about 90 I have. I have old credit cards and check card reciepts to prove it.

You can hit the link on the left. (kidding)

Anyway, so in the last year or so they've been selling some horribly cheap DVD's in a "2 for $11" bin. And you rarely find stuff worth buying. I did buy Creepshow in there and I've stumbled on one or two other gems. But mostly I find comedies I've never heard of. And I'm always amazed to find audio commentaries on these. I sometimes consider buying them just to hear them talk.

I mean I've considered doing a commentary for our ill-fated endevour, but I would mostly talk about how NOT to make a movie for $35000. (A book to be released in 2007. trust me.)

I wonder if some of these films... with names I can't even remember that's how obscure they are.... think they're making the next great Amercian comedy. Can you really comment on a film without knowing how good or bad it is?

Course I guess I shouldn't comment on comments without knowing what they are. If I wasn't going to Vega$ in a week I woulda splurged the $5 to find out.
It'd also be kinda funny when people are peeping through your DVD shelf pull it off and go "what is this?"

"It's horrible don't watch it."

Script will be done before I leave. Promise. I'm into the home stretch.

Oh and I've started playing a new Fantasy Movie Game. Plays like the sotck exchange.

Bringing Down The Curve

Before I discuss todays topic I've been thinking more and more about Average Joe and I think that the big secret ending was totally staged. I mean seriously, what the hell's dating Fabio matter. The dude, Gil, kept saying "think about what problems you'd have if your girl dated Fabio. Those are mine." I was thinking who gives a shit. I think that's better, specially since he was the hot guy. She really chose me cause I was hot and not because she loved me. Anyway, they probably realized it wasn't gonna work out and plotted out this little plan while "in the sack" some night.

It was just so hokey.

Anyway, who's bringing down the curve you ask? I say teenagers. Disposable income, with no bills. Ah, remember the days. Their power in regards to anything pop culture is becoming crazy. This why Mtv placates to them.

This issue for came up the other night on the View Askew Message Boards. Someone saw in Entertainment Weekly a snide comment about Kevin Smith's upcoming Jersey Girl, saying "Perhaps hoping to take the sting out of having helmed Jersey Girl, self-proclaimed geek Kevin Smith will write and direct a big-budget update of the interracial action flick for Miramax."

I know I haven't seen this movie but KS calls it his most personal film, I doubt that it suffers from J-Lo and Affleck. (And Hot Sauce I don't want to hear that you htink Affleck blows. You kill me a little bit everytime you say it.) But I assure you this movie will be quite a beautiful film. And EW doesn't realize that KS is directing Green Hornet BECAUSE of what he did in Jersey Girl. Worse yet, what no one understands is that J-Lo dies in the first 10 minuites of the film. IT'S IN THE TRAILER!

So I mention on the Web Board that all will be well when JG wins the opening weekend and EW is forced to eat their words. And some else repsonded saying that Scooby Doo 2 will probably win the weekend... though JG will have the staying power.

Which is when it finally hit me too hard that teenagers are ruling the box office. WHY would anyone but them go see Doo 2? We all saw the first on HBO, weren't that impressed that I'm gonna blow $8.50 on ANOTHER one.

DO you know who Linsay Lohan is? She's the girl from Freaky Friday (the remake.) SHE just released Confessions of a Teenage Drama Queen and in March is releasing Mean Girls about popularity in HIgh School. And in November she's releasing ANOTHER movie!

This girl owes her popularity and movie career (such as it is) due to 16 year olds with disposable income. They may be ruining movies for everyone. Studios understand their spending power and we'll be seeing more Drama Queen movies than we will Houses of Sand and Fog.

And that will be sad. At least we still have our action movies

Matt

Oh and the really good news.

Sweet Justice

Average Joe.

Sweet SWEET Justice.

If ya missed it.... well sweet justice.

Fabio? Who cares.

Dumb.

Anyway, it's been a week I know.... my car is broke I'm working nutty hours. But I'm back. I got stuff to say!

You ready?

The Oscars.
Well there were no supprises this year.

I, despite my actual wants pretty much predicted the big 6. Supporting roles, best actor and actresses, director and best pic.

If I would have thought sooner I would have gone on here and predicted. But been busy with Crazy Hours of Work.

Best Supporting Actor. I know would be Tim Robbins, due to the reviews of Mystic River all saying something about performances. But I WANTED Alec Baldwin.... I love him always. I saw The Cooler at Sundance last year. Just great.

Best Supporting Actress. I thought Renee would win since the last 2 years she has Best Actress noms and didn't win. Her dress was great I really liked it.

Best Actress- Charlize.... I' mean look at how she looked in that movie. For the choice and chance she took on even DOING this film should be worth the Oscar. Yay for her.

Best Actor- Sean Penn. Again I thoguht would win because of Mystic. I was HOPING Bill Murray would win. Lost IN Translation was so great. I went to see it by myself and really enjoyed it.

Best Director And Best Picture. - The Hope and The Dream. Peter Jackson and Lord of the Rings-- Return of the King. FIrst of all... not only was this just a great film and but I think the Academy was waiting for this one. They saw the first one said.... really good.... after the second greatness they KNEW the third film would be the one to get it and so it was.

In another universe I'm hoping Sofia Coppola gets it because she's awesome and because because she was the first American woman to be nominated it would have been cool to see her win.

Saw Roger Ebert today and HOLY COW! he's lost weight. I saw him last year at Sundance and the man was huge. But he looked great today.... Not scary THIN like Al Roker but very healthy.

Over all the Oscar telecast was pretty lack luster. Billy Crystal STARTED great but after an hour or so his jokes just went... well flat. But I give him credit cause I love the man and am ready for him to host next year. He's awesome.

Did the speeches drag on this year.... they sure seemed to.... before it always seemed like they were racing the clock...but last night everyone seemed to take their time.

Oh well.... I'd want to have all the time in the world for my moment in the sun and as you can tell by this BLOG I'd by god take it.

Oh and let me flame out here for a second and say that almost everyone look horribly B-E-A-utiful in their dresses. Specially, my girl, Nicole. Just lovely. And Jen Garner looked stunning and as I said Renee Zellweger looked just great though the train may have been a little much. Sandra Bullock's hair way awesome and the dress was nice. Angelina looked great and so did her boobs and Charlize was pretty hot too.

And, you know, the more and more I see Julia ROberts in real life (on Oprah, thos two are friends and on Dave she gave him a hell of a time... if anyone has it on tape I WANT IT!) but I'm falling in Love Julia she seems just natural and great. Just wonderful and she looked super last night as well.

All right /end flame

Is anyone always not only by the amount of people who have died that they recognize but the people themselves? I actually like when they pay tribute to those deceased and am always amazed.... like "I didn't realize they died?" or "that was this year?" Anyways it's always nice.

Well enough Oscar coverage. Next year I'll predict and it'll be cool.

Here' Nic. She's just ... hot.

See you Thurs.

Matt