AJ's Online Journal

Halloween

On October 27th of 1981 I wrote this about Halloween, "On Halloween night whiches and monsters come out and give you a lot of candy and apples and cookies, till Halloween is over and that's sad." I mean, seriously, what more is there to say about it? Ever since society deemed me too old to trick or treat I have had a very luke warm feeling about the day. I know everyone likes to get dressed up and go party and everything and that is fine, but for me, I have always hated going to parties where I hardly knew anyone. So when Halloween comes around I am forced to go to parties where I know very few people and the people I do know I can't even recognize, well, it kinda sucks. I know, I know I lack Halloween spirit, but I honestly don't know why. So, on this night when some half a million people swarm to the Castro district of San Francisco for their Halloween celebration... I am unsure where I will be exactly. Most likely home finishing packing... and that's fine by me. I understand I will be missing out on all the beer, nude people, costumes, and stabbings that usually go on at this celebration, but I am ok with it. I'm sure, when I have kids, I will find a new enthusiasm for the holiday, but until then, "Bahhh Hummmmbug!" And this year, this is the closest I'm getting to "dressing up". Just me and my friends Carrie and Larry. I hope everyone else has a fun and safe Halloween. Do tell me what you are dressing up as this year.

Remember the time

Sometimes I wish that all I had to worry about in life was how well my cowboy hat matched my Winnie the Pooh slippers. And more importantly, how the hell do I get a chick off MY tricycle? I often times hear people whine about how hard their childhood was, hell, I know I do it all the time, but if you really really think about it... wasn't it such a simpler time? I don't have any where to go with this, but I was just thinking about it today. I moved my TV down a flight of stairs two days ago and I am still sore! Makes me feel old. I honestly don't ever recollect, no matter how hard I played or ran until my hair was drenched from sweat, when I was a kid I never remember waking up sore. At what age does your body start getting pissed enough to remind you, "Hello.... what the hell did you think you were doing? Do you know how old I am? Do you have any idea how much tequila you put in me last night?" And I know in the grand scheme of everything I am still very young, but it still upsets me that kids born in the eighties are old enough to drink. Oh well, what can you do? So, in honor of a simpler more innocent time... here's a look into my childhood.

Dreams

I am one of those people who dream these wild and crazy dreams and the moment I open my eyes in the morning.... it's gone. Almost no recollection of what I had been dreaming. And to tell you the truth it really pisses me off. It's like watching an 8 hour movie and then when the credits start rolling you are asking yourself, "Did I even watch a movie? I remember sticking in the DVD, I remember popping the Orville Redenbacher popcorn, I remember popping off the top of my beer with my Homer Simpson bottle opener (Mmmmmmmmm Beeeer), and I even remember putting on my Eeyore house slippers because I remember saying in my deep melancholy voice, "Oh bother", but I don't remember the movie.... AT ALL! Ok, thats sucks, ya know? But, on this fine morning I remember some very small tidbits. WooHoo! Now don't get excited when I say tidbits its like watching Star Wars and saying, " Now I remember a 7 foot big foot guy, something about rebel alliances, and a really hot chick named Princess Leia who wore white and made me chuckle when she said, "Will somebody get this big walking carpet out of my way". I'm a guy.... we always remember the hot chick! Sad I know, but very true. So, anyway, this morning I woke up after a very intense night of dreaming. I know this because I kept telling myself, "Wow, gotta remember this dream." So, heres the tidbits, as unexciting as they might be... I remember being in the town that the movie Goonies was filmed in, I remember a whole lot of my friends being there, I remember my college dance teacher Cheryl taking everyone on a 6.7 mile run, I remember swimming across a pond when we finished running, I remember hanging out at a park with some unknown girl making fun of two guys playing basketball with tennis balls and tennis racquets thinking, "Wow they are pretty good", and finally I remember a dog carrying a small baby duckling in its mouth and me screaming at it, "Bad dog. Noooooo!!" You know, because that's what you say when you see a dog carrying a live baby duck in it's mouth. But alas, this is all I remember. Now what to make of this? If I was a super intellectual analyzer I might say this; Goonies town represents the childhood that I always wanted, but for whatever reason I was forced to "run" into adulthood and after making it there I now long, nay yearn, to be on the playground again. And the dog with a baby duck in it's mouth represents me in the clutches of lifes jaw. Fragile and scared. Hmmmm.... very interesting. Yes very interesting indeed. But since I'm not a super intellectual analyzer I think my dream was just a combination of all the beer and candy corn I had before bed. Mmmmmmmm candy corn.
So, thanks for indulging my thoughts about my dream. Have any analysis of your own? And please stop the emails about me being a retarded freak! Also, Matt the random movie trivia God, what was that Goonies town called? It's bugging me that I don't remember. And finally a step back into my childhood... and even more scary a step back into the 80's! Yes, I even had a bandana like that.

Art

I read Matt's blog today and some interesting thoughts of my own popped into my shiny little pointy head. The first was that I don't really have a shiny little pointy head I just like saying shiny little pointy. It's fun... come on try it. No seriously say it out loud. Go ahead. Seriously! Ok, did you say it? Good. Now don't you feel like a dork? Good. Now you are one step closer to understanding the madness that is AJ. Anyway, back to my point, in terms of art and the artists who create it... one of my biggest pet peeves are the people who call themselves artists. Now this is probably something that only I feel, but I find it very pretentious when someone calls themself an "artist". Like, "I am the way I am because I am an ARTIST". "I am so much better than you because, well you know, I am an artist and all." I feel calling yourself an artist is much like calling yourself cool. "Hey it's very nice to meet you. Oh and just so you know I am so fucking cool." I think, much like being cool, it is something left up to the people around you. And even if everyone else in the world thinks they are cool.... I still don't need to hear it from their lips that they think they are cool as well. I have watched Conan O'Brien a few times where he would be interviewing a guest, and the guest would refer to themself as a star. What the hell? The biggest thing wrong with having talent is the ego that often times goes hand in hand. Have some humility for Gods sake. But like I said, this is most likely my own pet peeve. I find someones talent more exciting when they are actually humble about it. Oh well, I will try and step off my soap box for a minute or two.
In other news, today I began packing for the big move across the pond. I packed a few boxes, played some video games, and sold my TV. And might I say I am very excited that I no longer have to move that huge thing around anymore. I about killed myself getting it down my stairs. Ughhh! I know, I know, "Stop your bitching AJ". OK, fine.... I'm done.
So, in association with todays topic... one of my favorite paintings and then my feeble attempt at reproducing it through photography. Ellen and Cina also wanted to see this photo so enjoy!

Painting by: Sir John Everett Millais ("Ophelia" 1851)

Photo by: Me

Your brain

I, out of almost complete and utter boredom today..... read. A book you ask? Please! I'm not that wild and crazy to actually give up my complete addiction to television and all things visual. Yes, I am sad to say that I am a product of the blitz and flash MTV generation that is so called destroying our society. If I can't see something... it doesn't exist in my world. Plain and true. I guess thats why I got involved in photography and film. I get the opportunity to record all the cool stuff that I see. How exciting is that? Well, I don't care what you think... I still stand by my non-reader mentality! But alas, my roommate left a medical journal on the coffee table today and I read a little of it. And this is what I learned.... Did you know the brain contains about 100 billion neurons!! That's roughly the same amount of Cubs fans that wanted to shoot that fan in game 6 of the NLCS! But thats a whole other rant. And because most of you are around 30 years of age... you will find some interest in this next tidbit, each of those neurons begin to die at a rate of thousands each day starting sometime after the age of 30 and are never replaced! Now I must admit, I don't know exactly what that means. But even more importantly I don't know if I don't know because I don't know or because I don't know because I have already lost about 500,000 neurons in my brain? And I am assuming that this medical statment stems from a "typical" healthy brain. So I'm sure all that crack I did as a teenager really doesn't help my cause any. And a brief insert for Matt, did you know that brains lack sensory neurons? That means if anyone ever tried to stab or punch you at that hole in your head.... well Matt you wouldn't even feel it! So, enough random brain trivia already.
I just wanted to thank all of you for the comments I have been getting about the blog. Very cool! I would highly encourage everyone read Greg's comment from yesterdays entry. Not only good stuff, but he encloses a very nice Alice Walker poem as well. Enjoy!
And since October is the hottest month in San Francisco and it being harvest season and all... I'll leave you with the fruit of many of my hangovers. Napa Valley at it's best!

Photo by: Me

Little House

Ok, I don't want to come across as a total freak or anything, but I think The Little House on the Prairie was the best show ever on TV. And actually I still watch it from time to time, like today for instance. Now it was an episode I had seen like a hundred times, but still the power of Christ compelled me to watch. No wait, Christ compelled me to do something else, I watched today because I was bored. Just so we have that straight, anyhoo, it was the episode that had a guest appearance by a 10 year old Todd Bridges. You remember Willace from Different Strokes.... I'm sure we have all seen his cocaine crazed mug shots on tv before. Anyhoo, as everyone knows Walnut Grove is an all white hood and when Willace stops by the Ingalls crib for a short stay the community and YOU will be taught a lesson about race. Now normally I wouldn't even bring up a topic like this, but dammit Todd had a brilliant performance. When he was sitting in that all white school were everyone wasn't very accepting, except the Ingalls kids of course, and the teacher asked what some of his dislikes were and he said, "Being a Niger". I must say it almost brought tears.... almost!!! And did I spell that write? Don't think I have ever even typed that word. Anyhoo, then the climax and moral of the story was a scene between Willace and Mr. Ingalls who was being very optimistic telling him times were changing and that the emmancipation proclamation was changing the very fiber of American culture. Then willace responds with the question, "Would you rather be a black man and live to be 100 or would you rather be a white man and live to be 50?" Then Mr. Ingalls responds, "Whatchu talkin' about Willace?" Sorry... had to put that in some where. Anyways, Mr. Ingalls can't give an answer, but you know, hell everyone knows the answer and you can see the sadness in both their eyes that it takes a question like that to point out how racial differences still exist. And of course even you should ask yourself that question and tell me even 141 years after Lincoln " freed" the slaves is there still that stigma there? I consider myslef a very liberal and accepting person, but I admit I had to think about it and just the fact that it wasn't cut and dry really upset me. Now I'm not saying things aren't a whole lot better than 141 years ago and not that you will ever make people like each other, but it just makes me sad. Damn little house!!! OK, enough of that... sorry about getting serious on you there. I have told this to many people before but I honestly think I learned all my morals and values from watching that damn show. And thats why I watch... to learn and to be entertained. And the fact that when I was 10 and Mary Ingalls was the hottest thing on TV, well thats a whole different story. And I am way too sleepy to get into the effects of Little house on pre-pubesent boys in the early 80's. I'll save that for another time!!!

So, what are your thoughts?

Sleep in Paris

Today I would like to have a photo journal of what I would really like to be doing right now..... and before your mind wonders, it's sleep silly. And where else better to sleep than in Paris! So, heres a photo series from my trip to Paris. Enjoy!

Photos by: Me

Epiphany for today

So, walking home from work today, as I usually do because I can never find anyone to carry me, I had this little "Intuitive grasp of reality". Now I must say, that I doubt that anyone else will have any life changing effects from my little realization, but keep reading nonetheless. I mean, in all honesty, one mans epiphany is anothers, "Duhhhhh AJ". So, as I was saying, on my way home..... thinking about a blog that I had read from Matt's friend Kim. She had made a comment how important laughter is, and well at first, I was like, "Duhhh Kim." , but then today when Julie wrote and said she had finally gotten around to read Matt's blog and said, "He's really funny". And my thought was, "Duhhhhhhh"., and after thinking I say Duh way tooo much I then said, "everyone in the western hemisphere knows that!" But then the old wheel started cranking in my head and I realized ALL my friends are funny. If I didn't find them funny I would have tied them up and beat the hell out of them years ago! God I hate boring people! Ok, not really... hold your horses... just kidding. I like all of you boring people as well. I mean, truly, who am I to judge? ;) So, I am amazed that those of you who have been my friends for years and years still have the power to make me laugh. Bravo! Now my epiphany came when I figured out that in my long term relationships, lack of laughter, was the first sign of death. I mean how does one laugh when your girlfriend is constantly screaming at you yelling, "Damn it AJ why do you have to be so fucking sexy?" Now I hope you didn't laugh at that either. ;) So, in terms of my relationships the key to happiness, other than mind blowing sex, has been laughter. Now why has it been sooo hard to find someone with laughter staying power as all of my best friends? I don't know either. I guess in the end it's probably all that mind blowing sex. I'm very happy that this was all brought to my attention that way I have something else to blame all my failed relationships on. I mean come on.... you didn't think I would actually blame myself did you? So... now this is all out I can move on.... see ya next time.

And now the visual tao of AJ;

Photo by: Unknown

Ok

I figured that I would actually start a blog. I mean all the cool people are doing it. I can't be the geek who still writes down his thoughts on paper. Geez everyone would make fun of me.... call me bad names and such. So, here I am just testing this first entry into the world that is AJ. It makes me a bit uncomfortable, I must say, as I am typically a private person. I keep my most intimate thoughts to myself or the very few close friends I have. But what the hell.... maybe this will someday be used against me in a court of law. In that case, I swear by all holy God the girl looked 18 to me! But that was neither here nor there.