AJ's Online Journal

Colour TV! Oooh la la...

We have recently been booking hotel reservations for various summer holidays and I have been taking notice of something that hotels are still listing as an amenity... Color TV!!! Almost every hotel I have looked at lately still thinks Color TV is a vital selling point for their hotel. Apparently, 60 years since the invention of the Color TV people are still concerned that they will go to a hotel and the TV will be in Black and White! God save us all!! First of all, when was the last time you actually saw a Black and White TV? Second of all, when was the last time you were in a hotel that didn't even have a TV? If there are still places out there living in the dark ages of television I must say I feel bad for all those times I have complained about places having dial-up Internet or even worse... no Internet at all! Talk about living in the dark ages! Geez! Regardless of the reasons that Color TV is still a marketing point for hotels, I decided to make some suggestions for other new and equally as obvious marketing slogans. Here's some of my favorites...enjoy!

Motel 6- "We will leave the light on for you because we have ELECTRICITY!"
Marriott- "Each room with it's own door!"
Red Roof Inn- "More roof colors coming soon!"
EconoLodge- "Your Gideon Bible headquarters!"
The Hilton- "Now with breathable air!"
Best Western- "We have toilets!!!"

Vega$ Year 4, Day 5 and 6

After coming in at 4:00am the previous night/morning I was a bit surprised that we were up and heading out for lunch at 11:00am. Having did our part to boost the American economy leading up to this moment we decided to go to a "food court" for something that cost below 10 bucks. Jeff and I decided on Wendy's while Matt decided he wanted something more healthy in the way of Subway.
After lunch we had to do the necessary shopping for significant others and children to make us feel less guilty about living it up in Vegas for a week. Last year we hit the shops at Caesars so Jeff could get some sort of Chocolate he likes so we did the same this year. We walked around for a good while but it was obvious shopping wasn't something we all enjoyed. We already had our minds on dinner.
On my last trip to Austin, Matt introduced me to a place called the Tilted Kilt. A place very much like Hooters but the girls dress in short kilts and white button up shirts that are tied in a knot in front and thus only utilizing one button. The whole outfit looks like a naughty catholic school girl uniform. I must say the outfit is way more sexy than the tighty orange shorts that Hooters boasts. Anyway, the original Tilted Kilt is located at the Rio so we decided to make this our going away dinner.
My dinner, the french dip, was actually very tasty. They had Blue Moon beer so that was a definite plus once again. The girls really weren't that hot. The girls in Texas were way better. After dinner we played some Golden Tee and drank a few more beers.
We headed back to the hotel about 11:00pm and since we were all scheduled to leave the next morning we called it an early night. Matt and Jeff decided to have a few more beers and then pack but I decided on sleep and packing the next morning.
Having been to bed early I was up early, packed, and was ready with plenty of time. My flight was to leave at 1:00pm and Matt and Jeff's 2 hours later. We all shared a cab to the airport where we said our good byes, vowed to meet back there in a years time, and then parted ways.
Having not found a present for Ella the day before I was a bit annoyed that I didn't buy this particular stuffed animal at the MGM gift shop. But very luckily, the airport had an MGM gift shop as well! I made my purchase of a 18inch tall stuffed giraffe and quickly realized it didn't fit in my bag. Sure I could carry it but I like to have my hands free. You know, in case someone comes at me with a knife screaming, "I'm gonna cut you!" I like to be prepared. I ended up shoving it half in my backpack with the head sticking out smiling at everyone who walked behind me. I got some weird smiles but other than that my trip home was uneventful. Another long flight and as always a week recovering from jet lag. That's what always sucks from my trips to the States. But all in all another good Vegas trip. Check back next year for yet another installment of the Vegas files. Cheers!

Vega$ Year 4, Day 3 and 4

Day 3 began with a wake up call. The reason we had scheduled this particular weekend for Vegas was because the Cubs were playing their final spring training game there and thus we had tickets. With a noon first pitch we headed out a few minutes after 11:00am. Heading through the hotel lobby we could see several other Cubs fans heading to the game. It looked like we weren't the only ones in Vegas for the Cubs. Well, I say we, but it was my idea. Matt is a huge Cubs fan as well so it was pretty easy to coerce him, but Jeff on the other hand didn't really care. He was a good sport though and stuck with the silly die hard Cubs fans on this day.
We jumped into the Cab and I say, "Cashman Field". "Where's that?", the cabbie asks. "You don't know where Cashman Field is?", I ask. Well, apparently he had lived in Vegas for 7 years and in that time had NEVER taken anyone to the stadium. Luckily I sort of knew where it was and with the help of the person he was talking to on his cell phone we made it there. Though, I did have to tell him that the interstate would be much faster than taking Las Vegas Boulevard. 7 years as a cabbie in Vegas? Come on! Luckily he actually got us there in time to grab a couple of dogs, a bag of peanuts, and a beer before Maddux threw the first pitch. If there is one thing that annoys me in life is being late for something you have tickets for. Especially a Cubs game!
The game was pretty good and the weather was nice as well. It was pretty much a tune up for the team so we got to see almost everyone play. The game went into extra innings, but the Cubs won it in 10. There's nothing better than soaking up some sun, drinking a beer, and watching the Cubs win.
With the game over we head out to the "taxi stand" where we... you know... stand and all. We stand and stand and well stand but alas no cabs whatsoever! Finally we decide to be different than everyone else in line and make a walk for downtown. It really wasn't that far and only took about 20 minutes before we were in another cab headed back to the hotel.
Back at the hotel we were pretty drained. You know from being old and all. We all crash for like 4 hours! When we came out of our sun drenched, beer saturated coma we decided to head back to the MGM for some Mexican food. If there's one food that I miss from living in London it's Mexican food. Now when I say Mexican I mean burritos as big as my head and hot sauce that is so hot that your mouth burns from looking at it. This particular restaurant however was a bit more pretentious and very difficult to even find something that was truly Mexican. I finally get the steak taco's and we all split a pitcher of margarita's. Dinner was very quiet and it was easily apparent that we all were still very tired. We agreed that it must have been the sun because surely we weren't old.
After a quick and uneventful dinner we headed back to the hotel where I quickly fell asleep watching SNL. The guys stayed up longer than me but even they were out within a few hours.
The next morning we get up early wanting to make sure this day had more excitement than the previous night. First thing on the list was lunch. From living on the west coast my new favorite burger place is In and Out Burger so we decide to make a walk for the one near our hotel. Jeff had been there previously, but this was Matt's first time. Boy was he in for a treat! 20 minutes later we walk into the VERY crowded In and Out, order, and wait for our number to be called out. We had number 5 so we waited for the next number to be called. "26", some guy yelled, "26. Your order is ready." Needless to say we were going to be waiting for a while. In some sort of miracle though we were able to find a table so we at least got to sit down. The wait was only about 15 minutes so it wasn't all that bad. The burgers were great as usual and even the fries, which are usually very bland, were actually... ok.
Back at the hotel and full from lunch we decide to sleep. Ok, I'm kidding. We weren't THAT bad. We actually decided to do something we do every year and that is tackle yet another roller coaster. The Sahara had one we wanted to try and plus they had a Nascar simulation ride there we thought would be fun. So we head out.
We get into the cab after waiting for one for 10 minutes. The Hooters Hotel always seemed to have a shortage of cabs. Jeff jumps up front and Matt and I jump in the back and we are off. Gas. Brake. Gas. Brake. Gas. Brake. After about throwing up my lunch we were almost out of the hotel parking lot. We pull out and guess what...gas...brake...brake....gas....brake. At this point Matt and I look at each other and try to contain our laughter. What was with this guy? Was he on crack? Well, apparently he was because he wouldn't stop talking for the entire ride. Poor Jeff had to sit there and take it while Matt and I just sat in the back in pure silence wondering if we would survive. I mean he was a nice enough guy... he told us where the crack houses were and informed us how to pick up chicks in Vegas. You know, all valuable tourist information. What a humanitarian! And apparently all you have to do to pick up women is go to Club Pure and go up to any girl and say, "I have drugs and a place to go", and you will get them every time. So much for trying Matt's haircut line. In the end... I'm just glad we made it to the Sahara without him trying to sell us whatever he was using.
We buy our passes for the rides and immediately jump on the coaster. I start to say how fun this is going to be when frooooooooosh the coaster goes from zero to seventy in like 5 seconds. It does a loop and then shoots you straight up in the air until gravity pulls you back down and you go through the ride backwards. It was pretty cool. Especially not knowing it was going to take off that fast. We would ride it again from the front and as fun as that was it didn't match up to the surprise of the first time.
The Nascar ride, in my opinion, would have been super cool like 5 years ago. Even though you were in life size simulation cars, the graphics were very out of date. The first time I managed to total my car but finished in 3rd out of 5. We did the Formula One version they had as well and I did much better finishing first. I had to redeem myself after all. ;)
When we went and saw Don Rickles two nights before we had seen a show called "Hypnosis Gone Wild". The poster had a barely covered up nude girl that insinuated that naughty things might be taking place in this particular show. So we left the Sahara and walk back over to the Stardust to buy tickets. It was about 7:00pm when we had tickets in hand and the show didn't start until 10:00pm. We take this time to go grab some food at Kahunaville in Treasure Island. When we went to Vegas 4 years ago to kick of this annual event, that was the first place we hit to do the very first tequila shot. We had been back every year more as an accidental yearly event. The restaurant was full and it was going to be a long ass wait so we decide to find seats at the bar. Luckily we found 2 and shortly after added the 3rd. We start drinking Vodka-Redbulls, order some appetizers, drink some more Vodka-Redbulls and before we knew it .....9:00pm. We wanted to get in line for the show early to ensure good seats since it was general admission. Once in line we started talking, "Surely if there is nudity they must have audience plants or something?". We started watching people to see who it could be. We finally narrowed in on two girls who came in separately, sat together, and never really talked to each other. They acted very odd and out of place. They were pretty hot so it had to be them. On the way in I even asked one, "Have you ever been to one of these things?". "No" she said and looked the other way as if I was annoying her. It definitely had to be them!
The show starts with him taking volunteers from the audience. About 15 people. He then put everyone under and did little tests to see who were really "under". He cut the group down to 8 and the show went from there. He did some funny things like tell a woman that the number 2 is non existent in her mind. He then woke her up and asked her, "Count your fingers". She immediately looked at her hand and started counting. "1-3-4-5-6". She looked perplexed. "You have 6 fingers?" he asked, "Isn't that weird?". She counted again and of course she counted 6 again. She then took off her shoe to count her toes. 6. Even more confused she took off the guys shoe next to her and counted his toes. 6 yet again.
He did a lot of various little things like that. All very funny and all not at all wild like we had anticipated. The show ended and well I guess we were VERY wrong about those girls. Why were they acting so weird? I guess we will never know.
The rounds of Vodka-Redbulls from dinner left us all wanting more so we decide to head to a club where we would have about 5 or 6 more rounds and ultimately end up back at the hotel a little after 4:00am. Now that's more like it!! So much for old. Well, having thought that... I pass out on my bed. Jeff reads and Matt heads down stairs for some food. Maybe I'm the old one? I chalk it up to the huge time change. That sounds realistic doesn't it? Either way it had been a long day and I was very tired. I slept VERY well!!

Day 5 and 6 coming soon!

Vega$ Year 4, Day 1 and 2

Arriving in Vegas I was pretty tired from the 11 hour flight but despite the midnight hour was excited to be in the Vegas. Maybe I'm just a sucker for all the bright lights on the slot machines but even being at the airport is fun. That is fun until my bag never appeared on the baggage carousel. Apparently my hour and a half layover in Chi town wasn't long enough for my bags to make the flight? Luckily it would be on the morning flight and American Airlines would drop it by the hotel for me. A little annoyed that I would not have a change of clothes for bed I decided to just deal with it and head to the hotel. The Hooters Hotel. I know I know... but our excuse is that it was brand new and the rooms were amazingly cheap for the Strip. What we would soon find out is that other than the very mediocre Hooters girls they had working there the whole place was full of over-weight balding men.
Matt and Jeff weren't due until the following afternoon so I head up to my room, check my email, and crash for about 12 hours. I had showered and received my bag delivery from American Airlines when I got the call that the guys were downstairs. After checking them into the room we head down to Pete and Shorty's, a White Castle knock off, to do our traditional shot of tequila to kick off the week. Matt and Jeff had managed to get pretty drunk on the flight up from Austin and it didn't take me that long to join them when the waitress delivered our Big Gulp size tequila shots. Being good and wasted we decide to do what all normal people do when they drink... go to Gameworks for some video games and beer. You got to love a place that lets you drink and drive car simulation games.
On our way to Gameworks we made a Vegas rookie mistake and decided to cut through the MGM. Ya know, for a short cut! Well, as everyone knows these casinos are designed to get people lost. No straight paths or signs pointing to exits they trap unaware tourists to getting lost and succumbing to more gambling. Luckily we found our way out within a half hour, though the exit we found was further away than the entrance we had first entered. It begs a question... isn't this concept of casino entrapment a fire hazard?
At about 7:00pm we decide to hit the room for a quick nap to rest up for a nightly assault on Sin City. We were quickly to learn that unlike our first trip to Vegas when we slept just a few hours a day.... this trip would prove how much older we were. That quick nap at 7:00pm quickly turned into us waking up the next day ready for lunch.
We head back across the street to the MGM for a light Sushi lunch that ended up costing us way too much money. I guess the Maguro that I ordered had been flown in that morning... SEATED IN FIRST CLASS!! Granted it was pretty tasty, but come on!
In all the years we have been coming to Vegas we had never stayed on the Southern end of the strip so we decide to do some casino exploration that we hadn't done before. We quickly found out what we had already known. All casinos are alike. We walk around for a few hours and then decide to head back to the Hoot for some poker. You know, as in the card game. Now we typically play a low limit table because we can play for hours at a time without losing (or winning) much money. Our hotel unfortunately was running a 1-2 no limit game. We all decide to play. I play really conservatively only playing two suited cards (which I never got) or pocket pairs (which I had twice). I played a pocket pair of eights, and even though I was pretty sure I had the best hand, I had a guy betting VERY large (because he knew I wasn't playing with a lot of money) and ultimately bluffed me out because I didn't want to go all in on my eights. The second hand that I actually play comes about 50 hands of folding later when I get a pocket pair of Jacks. There are some large bets pre-flop so I only call then the flop comes 2-2-5. The guy before me bets a large sum and I knew he didn't have a 2 so I decide to go all in on my Jacks. The guy behind me calls and everyone else folds. We show our cards. He has a 10-2! My question is, "Why was he betting so large pre-flop?" So I'm out and I didn't feel like re-buying in. Jeff, who had been pushed out a few hands earlier, and I head up to the room. Matt shortly followed.
We decide to grab some food at the Hooters restaurant before heading over to the Stardust with our tickets to see Don Rickles. The food was good and the girls were less than impressive. After a quick dinner we head up to the room, put some suits on, and head out.
As much bad luck we have had money wise over the years in Vegas we have always had extremely good luck with show tickets. This year they seat us in our sort of crappy seats only to later discover that the tickets that they had sold us 20 minutes earlier were for the previous night. To remedy their mistake they promptly moved us up front to VIP seating. At first we had mixed feelings. Sure we had great seats, but this is Don Rickles... he's going to tear us a new arse hole for sure! Luckily, he only picked on the "Nazi's" in front of us and the "gay" couple sitting stage left. Now Don is old school Vegas and I am very happy that we got to see him... you know, before he dies and all. I swear the guy looked like he was 140 years old! He delivered though. He hasn't lost a step in any put down or burn that ran through that archaic brain of his. I was VERY impressed and entertained. Lorna luft, Judy Garlands lesser known daughter, opened the show and she was even pretty good.
Afterward we head to Mandalay Bay to a Russian Vodka bar called Red Square. A very hip place with $15 martini's. It wasn't long before we decided to head out into the hotel for cheaper drinks. It was at this time that Jeff and I ganged up on Matt (as the only single guy) to go sarge some girls. Matt had been wanting to try an opening so we finally convinced him to go and try it on the first group of girls we saw. Now when I say "we convinced him", I mean Mr. Vodka convinced him.
The first time he tried the new opening was on some attractive blonde that was heading out for the night. He says, "So my friends think I got a really bad haircut, but I need a female opinion. What do you think?" She wasn't very shy to tell us or show us that MY hair was the best way to go. It wasn't quite the reaction we wanted for Matt so we get him to do it again. This time I'm at the bar getting another drink when I see Matt across the bar talking to about 5 girls. They are all looking at me, then at Matt, then at me, and then at Matt. I pay for my drink, turn, and Matt is standing there. "That group was split between your hair and my hair". I don't know how my hair got involved in that whole plan but at least we got Matt talking to some girls. He even met a group of Texas girls before the night was over so he was feeling pretty good by the time we head back to the hotel and crash for the night.

Days 3 to 6 coming soon!